Everybody’s Doing It

by Ray Waddle

Everybody's doing it but (almost) nobody admits it. We're aging. Getting older. Growing old.

Cinny Poppen, 67, and Roger Golden, 60, are getting on up there too, and they're not ashamed to admit it. They say older adulthood is the season for undertaking tasks that only elders can do — pass along a lifetime's wisdom, testify to the lessons of faith, and seek ultimate peace and forgiveness.

"People are living longer today — it's a gift we've been given — but we could be using it better," says Poppen. "We should be using the time to heal ourselves and heal the world."

Poppen and Golden, a married couple who attend Trinity Presbyterian Church in Nashville, lead workshops, classes and retreats on "Positive Aging" and "Aging Affirmation" in a culture obsessed with eternal youth.

They meet monthly with a handful of people at Trinity church (age 52-80), where the group does journaling exercises, group sharing and other activities. The couple will host two October conferences elsewhere in Nashville. They recently led a year-long course at another local church, training volunteers to work as faith companions to aging members.

Whatever the venue, their message is the same: older adulthood is an invitation to explore the spiritual life, review one's life purposefully, refocus painful memories, discover the freedom of forgiveness, and leave an "ethical will," a written testimony about one's values and witness. It's an invitation to find one's voice as a senior with a story to tell.

Poppen and Golden, who are certified as workshop leaders by the Spiritual Eldering Institute in Boulder, Colo., are eager to spread the word, especially in congregations and senior centers, despite society's reluctance to face facts.

"I don't think people are looking at the importance of 'lifecompletion' tasks — the importance of doing life review, reminiscence," Golden says.

"With its New Testament theology, the church should be the least fearful of death, yet I don't sense the church is getting a handle on it. Churches need to convey the message that death is part of life, death is OK, and we need not fear it."

Golden and Poppen live outside Ashland City, Tenn., where they serve as resident staffers of Penuel Ridge Retreat Center, a 120-acre interfaith center that focuses on spiritual renewal and community activism.

The couple also know aging is no picnic. The deaths of their own parents and other elders focused their aims. Both have worked with seniors. Poppen, with a background in education and peace activism, is a hospice volunteer. Golden, ordained in the Church of the Brethren, has experience as a nursing home chaplain.

"You learn that there's so much unfinished business for many older adults — death of spouse, illness, doubt, anger about kids not visiting, depression, loneliness," Golden says.

Other seniors, though, face mortality with serenity nurtured by active habits of faith and prayer. Their spiritual journeys readied them, Golden says. "But I'm worried that people are less and less prepared for getting older," he says. "If our faith journey in our younger years does not prepare us for that, we'll be left high and dry later on. It would be wonderful to work with 40-year-olds and get younger people thinking about aging and being with it along the way."

Both Golden and Poppen were inspired by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi and his book, "From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Profound New Vision of Growing Older." Shalomi argues that the harsh themes of growing old can be transformed into an adventure of passion, reconciliation and acceptance of the big picture of death and eternity.

"Society tells us that what seniors are supposed to be doing is playing golf and keeping fit," Poppen says. "But society isn't paying attention to what's required. There's no antidote for aging. We age and die. But we have time, and, often, health. We have an obligation to act, act like elders of the tribe."

Stepping up to the role of honored elder means "harvesting" one's life by sharing life stories and wisdom with younger people, volunteering in any number of political causes, being a mentor, and reconnecting to church or community.

"Growing older can be a celebration," Poppen says. "This idea isn't something new. But it is something forgotten, and ignored."

To get more information about Positive Aging, or to schedule a workshop, call Poppen and Golden at 615-792-5936.