It's not so easy to tell a saint
as to recognize who ain't.
This essay is not going to provide an answer to
the question of who is and who is not a saint. But it might help you
to comprehend the answer should you stumble across it.
Here are some facts on one saint I know about.
This is because he was and still is regarded as the patron saint of
authors, writers, journalists, and deafness. There must be some connection
between all that writing and deafness, but you'll have to figure it
out for yourself. His title was Saint Francis of Sales. His biographer
says, "He became famous as a preacher and intellect, insisting
on simple words and straightforward preaching." Some authors, writers,
and journalists follow his advice. Some do not.
I have never known any authors, journalists, etc.,
who were saints; but don't let my experience prejudice you.
If you aspire to be a saint, being a preacher might
help you. Then again it might not.
Presbyterians don't have saints in the same way
our Roman Catholic friends do, and that's as much as I know about the
difference. Looking for more about the difference in the Book of Order
might help, but I doubt it.
There are saints for practically any cause or situation
you could think of, and some you probably cannot imagine. As a service
to readers I have compiled a list of a few actual or possible saints.
You must of course feel free to make your own compilation.
Come to think of it, let me suggest that you do
just that, and send your list to the Editor of the Voice. Just imagine
her joy receiving the names and occupations of dozens and dozens"or
maybe hundreds and hundreds"of real or invented saints. I don't
know what she might do with them, but I'm sure she will think of something.
As you do all this thinking, you doubtless will
find that questions about saints past and present occur. For example:
Would a saint from the past be past perfect? Would a worried contemporary
saint be present tense? But please don't let such concerns distract
you in your saint search.
Here is my starter list, to which I hope you will
add:
Begin with St. Abstinence. The dictionary's
(Webster's Collegiate Tenth) first definition says abstinence is "voluntary
forbearance esp. from indulgence of an appetite or craving or from eating
some foods." Bet that's not what you expected, was it?
St. Bilious. She felt sick a lot.
No wonder, with her liver misbehaving so much. But unlike some, she
did not have a peevish and ill-natured disposition associated with her
name. Maybe that's why she became a saint. Had she lived in our era
she would have been the patron of Alka Seltzer.
Francis of Assisi, Francis II of
the Holy Roman Empire, Francis Ferdinand of Austria, and
Francesca Piero della. All the others stepped aside for
Piero della because she knew what they had been before they were saints.
There were and are oodles and gobs of notable people and places named
for the Franceses and Francises. San Francisco and St. Francis, both
of them streets in Santa Fe, NM, come to mind. At least one gasoline
station, a laundry, and a bar and grill in the aforementioned city bear
the word saint in their names. But that is another story for another
time.
St. Ordinary. (We have to skip some
names in this roster of saints because there are so many of them.) This
was an ordinary man whose service was doing ordinary things for ordinary
people. Hence the name.
St. Hangover. There is no doubt that
God loves all God's people, but such love doesn't excuse certain of
God's people from the consequences of their overdrinking. Persons whose
boozing makes them feel as though they have tornadoes in their tummies
and hailstorms in their heads believe the reality of St. Hangover. This
is despite the claim by some historians that the name is a misprint
and originally referred to St. Hanover, a member of a royal family in
Germany, or to the city of Hanover Park, IL. People who do not believe
in St. Hangover clearly have never made his acquaintance.
St. Decently. One of the few recorded
cases of twins who were saints, or saints who were twins. Whichever.
The other twin was named, obviously, Enorder. They seem to be honored
more in the abstract than the absolute. Presbyterians generally hold
that you can't have one without the other.
St. Maybe. The patron of all persons
who have difficulty in making up their minds. And are always uncertain.
I think that's it. I'm not sure.
St. Jude. Extensive research has
not turned up much about St. Jude, except to say that he is known as
the patron saint of hopeless causes. Certain political endeavors and
so-called professional baseball teams surely could use his intercession.
Unless their existence has been grossly overlooked,
the saints discussed above do not and did not live in reality"except
for two. If you discerned that those two are the third and the last
in the list, you would be correct. But be modest about your knowledge
and skill. It's the"well, saintly"thing to do.
